What’s the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
What’s the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.
What’s an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he’s talking to you instead of his own.
What’s an auditor?
Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that’s what they did last year.
How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a roadmap the wrong way.
What’s the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
Go into town and gang-audit someone.
What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
“Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.”
“Have you tried counting sheep?”
“That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it”